我不知道我自己的是什么!!! 我真的累了!!! 我不想说任何的话!!! 你们要怎么想我都不想管了!!! 我没有权力去管你们,你们也诶有权利来管我!!! 我没事的!!! 不用担心我!!! 我不想说话不是我在犹豫!!! 是我没有话要说!!! 我不想多说!!! 我有我的烦恼!!! 你们也有你们的烦恼!!! 我帮不到你们, 我想你们也帮不了我的!!! 我不想让你们的烦恼更多, 也不像你们为我担心... 所以我选择了沉默!!! 你们能体谅我吗??? 我有我的原因!!!

如果我有冒犯到你们的话, 我向你们道歉!!! 我没有太多的要求... 我只求能给我一点自己的空间!!! 我是每一件事情我都可以说, 或开了了口去说!!! 我要对我的要求太高!!! 你们对我的希望越高, 失望也会高!!!

我不知道我说的有不对的地方吗??? 我只不想在失去任何一个朋友了!!! 我已经失去了一个朋友,我不能在失去任何一个了!!! 你们能明白我的感受吗???

SADDED... I SICK LE...

last friday, i gt sore throat... on sun it recover le sia.... but... came back 2day... PLUS cough.... e cough seem 2 cough out from my lung... HAIZ... muz mi breathe in too much smoke.... NO OFFENSE.... Please dun smoke in front of mi.... i will breathe in it without i notice it....

abt 7 years ago.... i coughed 4 ard 1 month sia... those "dry" cough.... tat means juz cough for e seek of coughing.... lol... my stomach feel very pain while coughing.... whenever i cough, i seem 2 taste blood in my mouth.... i went 2 e hospital & took e X-ray... WAHHH.... HORRIBLE... e X-ray came out with a blur vision of my stomach... its white color... its all smoke.... lol... it took me a long time 2 recover from my cough... saddening...

tats y i will not smoke... i also dun lik my fren smoking... it will harm their health & others too... i noe quitting it is hard... but at lease try... i noe it impossible to quit in a few months... but at least smoke less... quit it slower.... showing some improvement every month or week la... if ones nt willing to give it a try... how they know they cant quit.... dun juz use e mouth n say "i wil quit...etc"... no use de lor... every1 also noe how 2 say... if ones really have e determination, u wil do it de lor... if ones dun haf, juz stop talkin all crap... it juz giving oneself an excuse not to quit...

I dun haf e intention 2 say any1 hor... so e "sum1"... dun tink too much... i nt saying u.... i dun haf e right 2 say u.... so dun say i say u again, juz dun wan say ur name...

难道只有你能够抚平所有的寂寞？？？
每一夜闭上眼睛, 都是你微笑的面孔，但是旁边的人不是我。
我心像被切开一道裂缝。
在你的面前，我不想装作脆弱，更不想爱得懦弱。
你可知道我多渴望抓住你的心
我知道她很爱你， 你怕她伤心。
我只能每天假装开心，害怕着你离去！！！
我假装很洒脱，我为爱努力着。。。
我可不可以任性一次，求求你不要离我而去！！！
难道我没有权利说我不愿意！！！
藏在我心里，最后一句其实还爱你！！！



我知道这都不可能。。。所以我自句话都不说！！！ 在你的身边，分享你的喜怒哀乐。。。你有什么心事，我都会默默地听着。。。 你不开心，我都会在旁边默默的守着。。。你心情不好的时候我就当你的出气筒。。。


这一切，你都觉得是因该的。。。好像是我欠你的，我一定要换你。。。 你一点东西都没有给我。。。 但很感谢你，唯一留给我的是哪几个月，美好有开心的回忆。。。我不会像要求什么。。。我只想我们能够做会普通朋友！！！那对你来说很难吗？？？ 不好再躲了。。。 你不给我们一次机会回到以前，我不勉强你！！！ 拿到普通朋友也不可以吗??? 你真的要那么绝吗？？？ 一点后路都不留吗？？？真的要这样做吗？？？


我一点都感觉不到你在我身边。。。你离我越来越远了。。。愿到我摸不到，也看不到。。。是我在胡思幻想吗？？？ 我希望是如此。。。希望我的希望不会变成污水，流向辽远的大海。。。

要忘了一个人真的有那么难吗？？？ 我觉得并不是这样的。。。 人可能已经忘记的。。。 但是回忆还在我们的心里。。。回忆是事实的证据。。。 证明了我们做了什么事。。。 回忆记载往往都是开心的。。。就是这个原因让我们活在回忆里。。。

往往，我们都只想到美好的回忆。。。 而那些回忆只能永远留在心里， 让我们想起以前所发生的事。。。 如果我们一致活在回忆里， 那只让我们更难过。。。 因为过去的事情已经不能再挽回了。。。 回忆一成过去。。。 人要望远处前进，而不是回头看过去。。。

DAMN ANGRY.... EVERYDAY GT 2 WAIT FOR TIS N TAT ONE 2 BREAK... DEN 2DAY LEH... WT... WAIT LE SO WAT... THEY ALSO GO BY THEMSELVES LE MA... NEXT TIME DUN WAN WAIT LE... I WILL NOT BE MEETING U ALL IN E MORNING OR GO 4 BREAK LE... DAMN IT.... I MEAN WAT I SAID...

wahaha... still got 1 UT to go... sian lor... i think i am going to failed 2 UT out of the 3 UT that i had been taken... lol... sian lor... cuz the 2 UT i nv do finished... & i dunno how to do too... sian... not that i nv pay attention wor... is i careless... i nv read the qn properly... waste marks... i noe how 2 do de lor... sian... i wan retake... lol... cannot de la... think too much... sian...

if aft 16 weeks & i failed that modules den i think will retake for sure le ba... wahlao... waste of time... e computting keep giving mi C... i also dunno y lor... i do the ppt all those then i gt C... people nv do anything can get high grade... WT... BIAS... ANGRY sia... e faci sux lor... said that I nv dun seem interested during presentation... sian... Wt... not i nt interested lor... is they will snatch to talk & left nth 4 u... what u say will always be wrong.... they keep thinking that what the say is right, even if it is wrong... sian... den they only noe how 2 open their big mouth... WT.... so fake la... but faci lik.... ANGRY

wahaha... frm next week onwards, i will be gtg bugis there de ???? n work le... so happy... cuz can earn money... but... need 2 stand 4 bt 71/2 hours sia... sadded... den hor... e beginning of e yr i went there once... now... i 4get how 2 go there le... i 4get which exit shld go to frm e mrt station... haha... i 4get e way 2 go there n e way 2 go mrt station... omg... lol... nvm... i will get my way there n out de... lol... :D

e most sadded thing is tat... i work frm 1pm tp 9.30pm... i gt 1hr break... damn long break... haiz... tis nvm... e thing is tat i had 2 eat alone... sian... dun lik eating alone lor... e place always so crowded... u wanna find a place 2 sit down eat also very difficult...

i dun lik eating alone.... sian... tats y last time i always nv eat... i walk walk... HEE... tis time round cannot dun eat le... cuz i wil get hungry easily... wahaha....

i so poor thing... so if any1 free de come find mi eat... lol... jkjk...

IRRITATING BITCH!!!!



SEEING U MAKE MI VOMIT!!!!

UR ATTIUDE IS SO SUX!!!!

UR MAKE-UP IS SO UGLY!!!!

UR ACTION IS SO CHILDISH!!!!

U R SO PROUD BUT 4 NTH!!!!

U ALWAYS LOOK DOWN ON OTHERS!!!!

ALL NEGATIVES THINGS ARE ALL ON U!!!!

NO POSITIVE THING IS ON U!!!!

U WORTH NTH!!!!

NO BRAIN N OBVIOUSLY NO BEAUTY!!!!

ITS MY FINAL DECISION


I am going to let it go le... I would just let the past be the past ba... the past always remain in memories to me to store and reminisce... I know that we cannot get back to the past either we can still be like the past...

your part of memories that stayed with me will always be those happy ones... when I am angry, you will raise up both your hands, let me beat on your palm, till its red and swollen... when I am sad/emo, u will try your best to entertain me, make me smile, make mi happy... when I cry, keep quiet and watch me from far away... when I feel sleepy/tired, you will lend me your shoulder to lie on...

Every time, I will watch you from far away... even though you always never express your feeling out, carry on with your life as normal, smiling all the way... but I can see that you are sad... when others will busy doing their things, and no time to entertain you or you had no one to entertain with, you will start your emoing... you always uses the playing of the game to cover your expression and feeling, but the way you adnormal reaction of yours had betray you...

you always trying to be strong... whenever we ask you, you will say we think too much... probably you do not want us to worry about you... please express your feeling out... do not hide them up... maybe it will make you feel more relieve...

I really can't bear to let it go... what I used to have had now gone into the drain... I can't take it back anymore... I tried my best... however, it seem not working... letting it go is only the way i can do...

Since fate bought us together, we should all cherish it... I cherish you as my friend... From tomorrow onwards, I will treat you as a new friend of mine... like how we know each other initially... I want to know a new you...

IM I WRONG LE MA???

WHEN I SERIOUS, U SEEM JOKING... WHEN I JUZ JOKING, U TREAT IT SO SERIOUSLY... U FUCKING DUN CARE DEN WHY SHLD I FUCKING CARE ABT IT LEH... U TOK U HU... I TEL U WAT I TINKING OF YTD LE... U SEEM DUN FUCKING CARE ABT IT... DEN DUN CARE LOR... LIK WAT U SAY 2 OTHERS... I ALWAYS DUN WAN 2 TELL OTHERS FACE TO FACE HOW I FEEL... CUZ I DUN WAN HURT OTHERS... I DUN WAN MENTION NAMES IN MY BLOG CUZ I DUN WAN LET HURT OTHERS TOO... TATS IS ONLY MY PERSONAL OPINION... I DUN NID OTHERS 2 NOE HU IS E PERSON IM TOKING ABT...

NOW... WHEN SHE COME BACK 2 US... THINGS DOES NOT GET BACK TO THE PAST... THIS 1 COME BACK LE... TAT 1 DUNNO Y KEEP PULLING A LONG FACE... WAT HAPPENED? HU CAN TELL MI LEH???

DUN WAN BOTHER LE LA... THOSE WANNA LEAVE DE JUZ LEAVE...

damn bored sia... now in sch... break time... finish ppt le.... 2day gt computing UT lor... but... sobs sobs... 2 qn nv do... die le lor... damn it.... failed for sure... sian... study so hard den no enough time to do finish... sian lor... 4get it la... as long as i score well for my daily grade can le... DAMN IT... hehe...

dun tink too much of the UT le... i always dun score well for UT... SADDED... last sem too... which cause my GPA to drop... and i get less den 3 sia... which is 2.9.... SADDED... nvm la.... as long as i tried my best can le.... tats wat my mum always say....

my class damn quiet... e guys playing CS + dunno wat game... the rest is juz busy doing their ppt & chatting ard... i miss W25H... i miss e nosiy class i used to had.... e familar faces i used to see for ard 6+months.... lol... I WAN W25H BACK.... lol...

ok la.... maybe im just dun get use of my current class... i get to know some of dem well.... but some of dem i cant even bother.... so hao lian... HEE... im bad sia... lol...

im gtg 2 do my ppt le... bye... actually left onli conclusion... lol...

今天看到的你，和以前不同，显得安静很多。。。那也好！！！ 只是有一点不习惯。。。 没关系。。。 日子久了就会习惯了。。。 我没有必要跟你解释什么。。。 你也没必要说什么。。。 反正友情永远都在，为一变的只是我们没有像以前那样玩闹了。。。 你的歌声我也在听不到。。。因为你倒没有机会和我搭同样一个mrt 了。。。哈哈。。。 以后不会再听到我常听的声音。。。 或许还会吧，只是会少一点吧。。。

没关系。。。 这都是我的选择。。。 我不后悔。。。 算了啦。。。 我不想想了。。。 我好累啊。。。 只要你们开心就好了。。。

13-14/10

slacking @ home... hehe... my parents went malysia again on fri nite... now, they r back in singapore... lol... tis 2 days, im busy... hehe... i nid buy food 4 my bro n myself... nid prepare e food 4 zaizai... & nid apply medicine 4 zaizai... HEE...

actually im very bored @ home.... cuz nth 2 do... also cannot online every moment i wan... cuz my bro also wanna play... lol... when i online... no1 online de... lol... den surf e net lor... but den... nth interest mi de... so sian... e rest of e time i slp lor... HEE... no1 ask mi out too... even they ask i also wont be gtg.... lol...

everything seem so bored sia... tv also dun haf show tat is interesting de... my mind is blank... hee... can finally rest... so gd...

ytd... yy come my house de void-deck aft she went 4 her hair-cut... nth 2 tok 2 her... very little communication wit her... tis last 4 abt 20 mins... den she went 4 her work...

tis 2 days is so peace... but so bored... HEE... help help!!!

LOL...

我不知道你要的是什么。。。 等一下你对我很好。。。 等一下就变了一个样。。。 你可以跟我说你要什么吗。。。 等一下就无言无故的为了一她而说我， 大胜得跟我说话。。。 你只知道她的感受，那我呢？？？ 你是否有想过我的感受呢？？？ 怕伤害她，就不怕伤害我吗？？？

我好讨厌那种感受了。。。 你是否知道呢？？？ 你总是一笑而过。。。 没把它当一回事！！！ 然后呢，我就不跟你说话，不好理睬你，你就说我脸臭臭， 我把我要说的话都说出来时，你就会说我的脾气不好，你就会生气。。。 你跟我说啊。。。 你要什么？？？

我很累了。。。 真的累了。。。我只是一个普通人。。。 一个心里是很脆弱的人，和表面上的我不一样，我不是每一件事情都能承受得了的。。。我可以忍一时，但我不能忍一世。。。

做你的朋友好辛苦啊。。。 相今天跟我说的。。。 你不要听我的声音是吗？？？ 好啊！！！ 我不会再出声音了！！！ 可以吗？？？ 我把每个人所说的话都看得很重，你们说的每一句都刻在我心中。。。 你们的每一句我都很认真地去聆听。。。

我真的放弃了。。。 因为我已经迷失在浓浓的雾里了！！！我什么都看不到！！！ 就算看到了，我一没有了勇气在走向前去了。。。 没有人可以帮得了我。。。 你做的已经够了！！！ 你做了每一切以超越了朋友可以做的事了。。。 那样就够了。。。 我不会也不敢要求你为我做些什么。。。因为我知道你也不好受。。。

现在要怎样办呢？？？ 我也不知道。。。 现在的情况时，一波未停，一波又起。。。 第一波事情呢，不管我的事。。。 等那件事情一过， 一切都会平静了。。。 这一波事情呢？？？ 我也没有多余的时间去想了。。。 我累了。。。 我只想把我的脚步停下来。。。 让她顺其织然吧。。。 是我的朋友就是我的。。。 不是我的，我在勉强也没有用。。。

放心啦。。。 我没事的。。。 不用担心我。。。 我已经18岁了。。。 我知道我要的是什么。。。 你不用再那么保护我了。。。 去保护你值得你去保护的人吧。。。 谢了。。。

i juz wanna let u noe sumting....

i will respect watever decision tat u made... u wan continue, i stop u... cuz is ur decision... u tink by doing it will make u feel better or @ least u wont let urself down den go ahead ba... i'm nt anybody 2 u... im just ur fren.... an normal fren b le... so... we dun haf e stand to interrupt ur decision... every1 noe wat the ending will be... but u still wanna fight 4 ur right... so... wat i can do is to wish u gd luck ba... i keep quiet does nt mean i dun care or watever... cuz i noe ur decision is made... wat i say u also cant get in ma... so i juz dun wan tok lor...

im nt angry or tinking too much... i juz dun feel lik interrupt ur prob... u alr 18 le ma... noe how to tink n haf ur own stand.... so i juz respect... so.... can dun bother ask mi y i look so sian or wat... cuz when i dun tok n keep quiet, my expression will look sian n seem pulling a long face...

n hor... as a fren of mine, i noe u concern mi... u care of us alot... u dun wan a gap between e friendship.... u try ur best 2 help us.... but den.... as u usually say... let e nature take its course... so... dun nid do so many things le... it will just hurt mi... it seem everything is i wrong... i nv call her... or watever... when u nv see her... den u wil use e attitude 2 ask mi y nv call her of watever... i juz dun lik tat... u nv ask mi lor... den u juz jump into conclusion... as if all things happen is my fault...

in e 1st place... e gap is nt caused by us lor... u can say i dun appreciate the friendship... i dun care wat u say.... i juz noe i nv did anything wrong... i keep quiet through the whole incident, cuz i dun wan get myself involve in it... i juz wanna protect myself... im i wrong ma....

it seem tat every steps i move is wrong.... n every steps she move is right... i dun wan bother u all le... ALL R RUBBISH... NONSENSE... every1 onli care abt her feeling... hu wanna care 4 mi... DID I DO ANYTHING WRONG? DID I CAUSE THOSE THING 2 HAPPEN?

I CAN TELL U LOR.... "NO!!!!!" hu even bother 2 put themselves in my shoes.... my outside may look strong but nt inside... u all de words had hurt mi deep inside my heart... PLS STOP!!!!

i dun wan ur care or concern... i juz wan peace.... U ALL R DIVING MI MAD.... STOP ALL TAT... BE4 I KEEP U ALL OUT OF MY LIFE...

sry if my words is too overboard... i juz wanna express my feeling 2 let u all noe... i might seem keeping quiet... but i haf my own stand... no offense... sry...

wahaha... sum1 ask mi 2 post again... lol... ok... im gtg 2 start frm 6/10/07...

6 - 7/10
weekends... yeah... can slp till very late... cuz dun nid go sch n dun haf 2 work too... lol... slack @ home de whole day... nth do... watch tv, surf net, online n slp.... lol... no1 disturb mi... so gd... so peace... lol... my fren ask mi out... but i dun wan... i prefer staying @ home... n summore still gt zaizai acc mi... so sweet.... lol... 2 days is obviously nt enough 4 mi... dun haf enough slp... lol...

8 - 9/10
go sch in e morning.... e whole procedure repeat everyday in sch... lol... nth 2 write abt... nth interesting happen... ohya... went collect randall's jeans aft sch 2day... wit mich n her bf... we had lots of fun in e train... lol... we r lik mad... HEE... den we went AMK... intend to play pool... but dun wan le.... den we go food court eat... while waiting 4 randall 2 come find us... lol... aft eating, mich n her bf went off 1st... randall had 2 go 4 his meeting @ novena ard 10pm... so i acc him lor... sit @ e void-deck.... chatting... dun wan mention abt it... hehe... nth gd 2 say abt....

sum1 complaining tat i nv blog for so long tat he everyday view my blog but nv saw any new post... haha... so today im gtg 2 blog...

27 - 28/9
as usual, go sch in the morning, go straight home after school.... nv go anywhere... my life is so bored... hehe.... but i lik it.... cuz no1 can come disturb mi... hehe... so gd.... so pace... hehe... go home do rj le den slp... hehe... till the next morning.... so gd...

29 - 30/9
the 1st day, i went CPF board with my mum to make enquiry about the deduction of sch fees from my dad CPF... after finding out what is it about.... we decide to pay by cash.... hehe.... den went AMK hub... buy bag n shoes... hehe... wahaha.... im so happy on tat day...

2nd day, my mum n dad prepared many foods all those for us... they gtg 2 genting @ nite... haiz... nv bring us along.... sadded... @ ard 7+pm... sky n yong2 came 2 find mi... haha... den ard 8+pm... they walk 2 AMK mrt as yong2 wanna go her ah ma house... lol... den i send my parents 2 take cab.... lol... den went AMK hub meet sky.... we went 2 e "x-zone"... seeing people playing those game... lol... he also gt play la... den i go home lor... he went find yong2... lol...

1 - 4/10
ohhh... sum1 promise mi sumthing de.... but he break his promise... which is 2 quit smoking... i noe is hard... but @ least u try... make ur effort ma... DAMN ANGRY.... dun feel lik talking 2 him tat day.... i hate people breaking their promise.... saying tat he will smoke less... since when sia... almost e same lor... lol... nvm... HACK CARE... NONE OF MY BUSINESS....

nth much happen... hehe... onli on 4/10 i n mich accompany randall went orchard buy his black jeans pants... lol... quarrel throughout e journey 2 frm woodland to orchard... he bought a $99.90 pants from ZARA... hehe... lol... den we go home after tat... mich take bus home cuz nearly to her house ma... den i n randall take train... he pei mi take the train terminated @ jurong east de... guess wat he say... "i dun wan u say den i onli pei "sum1" nv pei u m"... lol... lame... den e trin was damn crowded sia... wah lao lor... i scare i fall down... so hold his shirt tight... lol... one day maybe his shirt will torn by me... lol... got a few times i nearly fall down lor... he was so afraid... lol... hold my arm tight.... prevent mi frm falling down... lol... when the train is getting lesser people... i finally got "pole" for mi 2 hold le... but... 2 stops away from AMK... lol...

5/10/07
hmmm... i just wanna clarify that I just dun wanna talk... is nt tat anything happen... i just feel too tired to talk le... i just wan some peace... dun ever ask mi y i nv tok 2 some of my fren.... cuz i just dun feel lik... n i dun wanna get involve in anything.... so i keep quiet... until e thing settle le den say ba... lol... for randall rite... i noe u care of me as a fren.... sry 2 make u worry abt me... im fine de... serious la... i juz dun wanna tok... too lazy 2 tok.... when i dun tok... i will seem pulling a long face... so... dun tink too much... u nor others nv make me angry or watever.... is my own prob.... i just dun feel lik toking.... so dun worry abt mi... hehe... but thanks alot ya... u r such a gd fren...

ok la... stop till here le... lol... i promise i will blog n post new things once i free... hehe... take care wor... miss ya...