Hmm.. i gt a lot of feeling abt how I feel recently.. so juz bear wit mi ba..
Hmm… I lik sum1 de temper.. initially, I was juz playing ard wit him.. cuz I mind lots abt e age gap between us.. last sun, we gt a big quarrel, cuz of sum1 tt I lik initially… den he juz ask wat relationship I & him is… I juz ans classmate… he agreed.. I cant imagine myself actually
On mon… very funny…. I was so tired tt I dun wan to talk… he was mi dun emo… but I nv… he was saying, if he can still be my dear…. Cuz he bu xi guan… den I say ok… we become ok aft tt… we still can da qing ma qiao… @ nite… he ask mi if we r in a real relationship.. den I say left to him to decide.. he say can it be real.. den I agreed… I tell tt sum1, den tt sum1 is lik.. ok.. but dun tell mi anything abt u all… I find it really weird le…
On tue, things is still under control.. we dun wan ppl to know… so we pretend… but gt sum1… seems very unhappy and sad with it… which I dunno y… she give mi a very lame excuses… by den… I feel sumting fishy going on le… but I dun wan to say much.. she dun wan tOk to him.. e way he ask her dun wan avoid him make mi feel uncomfortable and weird… I agreed im jealous.. but I cant say anything…
On wed morning…. He still can msg mi, saying he love mi… he miss mi… but…when sum1 tell mi tt he wrote sumting in his blog… I went to c… haha… weird weird de… so I go console him… ask him dun tink so much.. @ nite.. things changed.. I say I will give him time.. I wont force him… but by wat he say… I noe I cant hold on to it le… i ask him wat he wan… Finally, he say it out.. but e reason he give mi is so unacceptable… he said “I tried to force myself to love you but I failed.. I tink we better be classmate and fren…”
I say I dun wan force myself to be his fren… sum1 noe abt it… explaining to mi how he feels.. but… something really weird between dem le…sum1 is siding him.. making mi feel lik im being being used by dem..
E next day… when I go sch… they two look so happy… happy laughing… as if nth happened.. but both of dem dun dare to look @ mi… e more weird I feel… is lik, if u two nv do anything wrong, why don’t wan face mi… y dun dare look @ mi… especially e sum1… sum1 look happy den wat she look before…
They dun even settle things properly… they just avoiding… they dun wan feel their real feeling… I feel so stupid… will sibling come sch tgt… gg her mrt station there wait for her… rather then gg straight to the station and wait…
She sided him… making things lik its seems to be my fault… in e 1st pLace… I say lets be classmate le.. but he wanna start… but it onli last for 3 days.. ppl console him, give him advices, he listen…
I cried for 2days… even today.. I feel so stupid… maybe they dun haf e intention to do it, as they dunno their feeling.. but… IM I DESERVE ALL E HURTS FROM U ALL… hu will nOe my feeling??? My stand???
No matter they r tgt or not… no matter is it now, or in e future, its none of my business… I tried my best to help dem… giving dem hints to prevent unwanted things to happen… I feel stupid to tell dem… e more I tell dem.. e more happy they r… e more they will make use of mi…
Face wat in ur heart… u all de reaction/expression tell everything le… e more u all dun wan show, e more obvious it is... u can tell us we r wrong… u can cheat or lie to us.. but u cant lie to urself.. I done my part to protect u all le… no matter wat u all think of mi, let u all be ba… I dun care le… cant be bothered... I noe I nv do anything wrong…
He dun even explain his stand??? If he tell mi e truth, den I accept… but e reason he give is nO link to wat he did for those days… which means he juz wanna cheat mi or even wanna use mi to cover sumting…
If he settle it properly, maybe things wont become lik tt… Im all hurt… to him, whatever I do now, he dun even give a darn…. To him is juz a misstep.. he dun feel any guilty @ all… he is still lik before, laugh, play... but happy den before… maybe is becuz he got back wat he wants le… sum1 is back to him…
Hu ever ever care of mi… im juz an innocent one, getting hurt for nothing… its really pain inside… but I cant show it out… e more I show it… e more they think im pretending to attract their attention, and e more happy he is..
I juz say wat I feel… e hurts is alr there, I cant be lik before… I juz wish tis sem will end fast… so I dun haf to face it le…
E last things tt I want to say is tt…. maybe e days is short… @ least im happy… im really happy… seeing all e msg he send enlighten my day… but now… those msg will make mi more sad… tears will start flowing down… none stop… I cant stop it… I really cant…:(
